Scars
by WinterGarden
Summary: Everyone knows that Sheldon's life as a child was less than perfect, but how much can they really tell just by looking at him? No one truly knows what scars lie in a person's past, but Sheldon's friends are about to find out.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello, all! This is my first Big Bang Theory fanfiction. I'd love to know if you think I should continue. I have a few i****deas-tell me if it's worth continuing! Reviews are always lovely, of course. I hope you enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Big Bang Theory or any of the characters**

**Rating: T for child abuse, mature themes, and language**

Chapter One: Blank

"_Shelly, sweetie, eat your peas." Mary Cooper used her fork to push the peas towards a scowling eight-year-old Sheldon._

_ "Yeah, Shelly, eat your peas!" Missy chirped, proudly displaying her plate, clear of peas and ham. Sheldon shot her a glare while she giggled. Mary shushed her daughter before turning back to Sheldon._

_ "What's wrong? Don't you like what your mommy made for you?" Mary rested her head on her hand, smiling at her son. Her eyes sparkled, but everything around them was beaten down. Her hair was piled on top of her head and hidden in a shabby old hat. Her clothes were worn out—she hadn't bought new ones for years—and hidden behind her apron she wore when working at the supermarket. Her blue eyes—her dazzling blue eyes, which she saw so much in Sheldon—were tired and underneath them lay dark circles._

_ "Eat your peas, sweetie," Mary began again, but was cut off._

_ "Eat the damn peas, kid." The gruff voice cut through the kitchen like a knife. Missy stopped banging her fork against her empty plate and glanced at Sheldon worriedly, willing him to eat his peas, please, please eat his peas. Mary took her elbow off the table, looked at her husband angrily, and returned to her dinner._

_ "Mommy, do you want to hear what I did at school today?" Missy asked, shifting in her seat excitedly. "I was the best in my class in spelling today. I got a gold star. The teacher said I'm really good."_

_ "That's wonderful, sweetheart," Mary said happily, but her voice was broken._

_ "And then we went out to recess, and Susie wanted to play with me! And then…"_

_ "Mary." There was the knife-like voice, slicing through the kitchen once more. It was then that Sheldon finally forced himself to look at his father. He hated looking at him. He hated seeing that five o'clock shadow. The bloodshot eyes from drinking. The mean glint in his eyes, so different than the sparkle in his mother's. Sheldon hated the fear he felt rising in his stomach whenever he looked at his father, and hated himself for feeling that way._

_ "Yes, George," Mary said tightly, pushing around the food on her plate with a fork. George took a swig of beer before going on._

_ "I'll be out of town with the guys this weekend," He said sloppily, slapping the bottle back on the table. Sheldon jumped slightly at the harsh sound, and then felt blood rushing to his face. He felt Missy next to him, suddenly quiet. Not bubbly. Not charming._

_ "George, you know that I have work this weekend. Ten hour shifts, both Saturday and Sunday. You have to watch the kids."_

_ "I said I'm going out of town this weekend," George repeated loudly._

_ "George," Mary brought her voice to a whisper. "George, you're staying here, you're taking Sheldon to his science fair…"_

_ "Damn it, Mary, I'm NOT taking him to that!" George slammed his fist down on the table and the entire house seemed to shake. Mary jumped out of her seat, finally bringing her eyes to meet her husband's. Missy let out a small cry—milk had spilled all over her new floral dress. She ran up the stairs to wash it off, George sneering after her. Mary continued to protest, trying to get George to come to his senses—he'd think clearly once he sobered up a little—he didn't really mean that, Sheldon, of course he wants to take you—why can't you think of anyone else for a change?_

_ Once George brought his fist down on the table again and stood up, Sheldon nearly toppled out of his chair and started to run, knowing the procedure for when he got like this—but before Sheldon could even untangle himself from his chair, George caught his arm and threw him to the ground. Sheldon let out a cry as he landed on his shoulder, tears stinging his eyes._

_ "George!" Mary gasped, making her way to Sheldon, but George caught her arm._

_ "I don't want to talk about this anymore, George!"_

_ "You know damn well we're going to talk about this."_

_ "George, Sheldon could be hurt!"_

_ And Sheldon ran. He ran past the kitchen, past the dirty living room, up the stairs, into his room, into the corner of his closet, prepared to wait it out until his parents figured everything out. Of course they would. They always did. He settled in next to Missy, who was still wearing the stained dress. Sheldon unexpectedly felt a knot in his stomach tighten for her. Just that morning she came down the stairs, twirling around and around in that girly dress. Sheldon had rolled his eyes at her, crossing his arms over his ratty T-shirt. Together, they listened to their parents fight, George occasionally kicking the wall._

_ Sheldon felt his heart drop as he heard the car start—Mary was off to work, and that only left George. Missy tightened her grip on the material of Sheldon's jeans. Thinking quietly, quickly, Sheldon turned to Missy._

_ "He'll just fall asleep soon and watch football. It'll be fine."_

_ "But Shelly…"_

_ "If you're really worried, then just stay here. I'll go out and talk to him."_

_ Missy's eyes grew wide with tears and her lip trembled._

_ "But Shelly…" She repeated, but Sheldon wouldn't have it. He wouldn't blush, he wouldn't cry, he wouldn't feel scared. He wouldn't feel anything. He got out of the closet and shut the door quietly behind him. And he stood at the edge of his room with his head against the door. And only then, as he heard his father's footsteps approaching, he started to cry._

Years later, Sheldon woke up from a deep sleep with a startled cry, heart pounding. He lay in bed, unable to move. His pulse was racing. He was shaking. He turned his head to the side, and saw his closet—normal, empty, blank. He got up slowly, swinging his shaking legs over the side of his bed. He quietly tiptoed across the room and into the bathroom, switching on a blinding light. He looked at himself in the mirror, almost expecting to see himself as eight-years-old again, with a bruise over his left eye and his shoulder throbbing. Instead, he simply saw Sheldon—tall and lanky, plain blue eyes, clear skin—normal, empty, blank.


	2. Bleeding

**Thanks so much to everyone who is reading or reviewing this! It means so much to me! I hope you like this next chapter. I try to update as soon as I can, I hope that's okay :) Anyways, tell me what you think, and enjoy!**

Chapter Two: Bleeding

Sheldon sat in his spot with his bowl of cereal. The spot was the same. The cereal was the same. The apartment surrounding his unusually pale self was the same. Sheldon stared, unseeing, at the TV in front of him. He knew that it was years ago. He knew that those weren't his father's footsteps in the other room, they were Leonard's. He knows that Missy's voice wasn't just across the hall, it was Penny's. No one was coming up the stairs, no one was crying, everything is fine now. Sheldon repeated the words in his head, his cereal becoming soggy, the TV playing, the sink in the bathroom running, footsteps, shouting, footsteps, punching, footsteps…Sheldon shook his head and forced himself to stare down at his breakfast. He hadn't felt like this in years. Or maybe he had, but he had always been better at hiding it. So why now? It didn't make sense. It needed to make sense.

"Hey buddy," Leonard yawned, throwing himself down on the couch next to Sheldon. Sheldon automatically leaned away from him, retreating further into his spot.

"You okay? I heard water running in the bathroom this morning."

"Yes, I was in the bathroom," Sheldon said awkwardly, clearing his throat.

"You never leave your room in the middle of the night."

"Well, sometimes it is necessary."

"I'm just saying, I've lived with you and you've never…"

"Leonard." Sheldon's voice was suddenly sharp and harsh. Leonard raised his eyebrows slightly, turning away from Sheldon and looking back at the TV. Leonard felt anger boil in the pit of his stomach. Sheldon had no right to bitch about things being exactly his way, down to the last damn detail…and now just to snap at Leonard for caring about his obsessive schedules for once.

"Just asking," He said testily, and the two fell silent. Sheldon felt his cheeks grow warm, and then instantly regretted it. He cleared his throat, stirred his cereal with his spoon.

"Leonard," He started, but Leonard also spoke up at that time.

"We were thinking of doing paintball tonight."

"But it's a weekday."

"I know, we just thought it would be fun."

"But…it's Thursday. We never do it on Thursday."

"I knew you wouldn't be into it. That's fine, we'll just go on the weekend."

"Like we always do."

"Yeah, like we always do."

Silence.

"Hey Sheldon, do you know where I put my flash drive?" Leonard asked after a minute. Sheldon just shrugged. He could sense Leonard getting angry.

"It's just that I had it last night, and now I can't find it anywhere."

"I already said that I don't know where it is."

"Whatever."

Silence. Anger.

"I'm going to work early," Leonard said, and before Sheldon could say another word, he grabbed his jacket, tossed his half-empty bowl on the counter, and slammed the door behind him. And Sheldon jumped. He wasn't just startled; he wasn't just surprised. He didn't know what did it, but as soon as the door slammed and the floor rattled, Sheldon's heart flew into his throat and his hands shook. He leapt from his seat, cereal sloshing over the side of his bowl and onto his Green Lantern shirt.

_"Damn it, Mary! Get back here!"_

_ "Shelly, no, don't go downstairs."_

_ "But Mommy's probably scared…"_

_ "No, no, please, stay with me!"_

_ "Missy, I can't! I have to go help her!"_

_ "Sheldon, no, no! Come back!"_

_ "Mommy…"_

_ "Sheldon, go back up to your room."_

_ "No, I want to stay here."_

_ "Mary, we're not done here!"_

_ "Mom…"_

_ "Sheldon! George, stop it, he's just trying to help! SHELDON!"_

Sheldon pulled at his shirt and set the bowl down. Without thinking, he pulled off his shirt and went to the sink, turning on the water and closing his eyes. The water was scalding hot. His hand slipped and pain shot into his hand and through his arm, but he didn't pull away. He stayed there, eyes closed, breathing deeply. It didn't hurt, it was fine, it would be okay…

"Leonard, I think this is yours." Door opening, Penny's voice. Sheldon turned, his shirt still in the sink, forgetting, flustered, thoughts everywhere—voices still buzzing in his head, distant, sounding as though they were one million miles away. It was then Penny saw it, with the running water and steam rising from the sink, sounds of the TV in the background. It was then Penny saw it.

"Oh my God!" She shrieked, putting her hands to her mouth. There, on Sheldon's lower abdomen, was a long, ugly scar. It was still dark red, as if it had never stopped bleeding. The bulk of it was at the top, near his belly button—a terrible, jutting bulge—and then it trailed down, disappearing into his pants. Against such smooth white skin on such a skinny, blue-eyed boy, it looked like death—cold, icy, red death.

Sheldon quickly tried to recover, turning back to the sink and shoving his shirt back on. The wet dark green cloth stuck to him. It covered the scar, but Penny kept staring as if it was burning a hole through the shirt.

"Thank you, Penny," He said, holding out his hand for the flash drive. His voice was steady—his eyes were blank—but his hand shook as he held it there in midair. Penny knew he was asking for the flash drive, but all she wanted to do was take his hand and hold it, squeeze it, pull him into her. Sheldon's eyes bored into her—blank.

"Leonard was looking for this."

"Sheldon…" It came out as a whisper. She took a timid step forward. "Sheldon…" She felt sick. "What is that?"

"I could avoid the subject, but I will not. I will assume you are talking about my injury," Sheldon said promptly. Penny nodded. Her eyes were already swimming in tears. She couldn't imagine the pain, the ripping, tearing pain that it must have been.

"Well, it is a rather boring story."

"Wh—what?" Penny asked, taking another step.

"It is a boring story," Sheldon said slowly. "You find many of my stories mundane, and oftentimes you find them difficult to grasp. I will not tell you another one. Leonard's flash drive, please."

The two stood there for what seemed like hours, looking at each other. Sheldon wondered if Penny could see what he was thinking—and then reminded himself that that was a silly thing to wonder. Of course she couldn't see what he was thinking. Nobody can ever see what somebody else is thinking. They tell themselves that they can see into a person's eyes and know what is happening, but that had never occurred in Sheldon's life. No one had ever known. No one had ever cared to know.

Penny moved forward, this time with the flash drive in her outstretched hand. She dropped it into Sheldon's palm, who tucked it away in his pocket.

"Thank you."

And Penny was silent. But as Sheldon began to move away, to get his coat and go to work, she caught him by the arm, unaware of what she was doing. Her fingers must have been tighter than she thought, her nails digging into his soft, pale skin. Everything that happened next happened at once—Sheldon yanked his arm away, letting out a yell—a scream—a horror-filled, angry scream—and the two cereal bowls on the counter crashed to the floor.

"_George! George, stop it!"_

"_The boy needs to learn to stay out of what isn't his damn business!"_

"_George, please, please, George!"_

Glass shattered all around Penny and Sheldon, and Penny leapt back, standing on the tiptoes of her ruby red flats. When she looked back at Sheldon, she could swear that she saw tears swimming in his eyes. No. It couldn't possibly be tears. Not with Sheldon. Not ever, ever with Sheldon.

"I have to go now, Penny," Sheldon said, but his voice cracked. "I—I have to leave."

And with that, Sheldon strode to the door and slammed it behind him, leaving Penny alone in his apartment, surrounded by shattered glass and a ghost of Sheldon, broken, scarred Sheldon, standing next to her.


	3. Listening to Silence

**Once again, thanks a million for reading and reviewing this! I sooo appreciate it! Enjoy the next chapter, and if you can, feel free to leave a review and tell me what you think.**

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><p>Chapter Three: Listening to Silence<p>

It was 12:07 A.M. Leonard lay in his bed, staring at the ceiling, listening to the quiet of his room. He loved listening to the silence. It was something someone wouldn't think possible; but if you listened closely enough, you could hear it. The silence. It was in the rustle of Leonard's bed sheets as his moved his foot. It was in the wind, tapping so quietly it almost wasn't audible on his windowpane. It was in Sheldon's room across from his own, where his roommate had not yet come back. And it was 12:07 A.M.

Suddenly he saw a green light on his ceiling, dancing in patterns over his eyes. He turned over, groaning, and grabbed his cell phone. Before he could say one word into it, he heard a shrill voice.

"Leonard, it's me." From simply hearing the voice, Leonard knew that Penny was biting on her nails. "Listen, I need to talk to you."

"What do you need?"

"Are you in bed?"

"Yeah, I have to be at work early tomorrow. What's this about?" Leonard turned on his bedside lamp and sat up, pinching the bridge of his nose. He heard Penny let out a shaky breath into the phone and stopped. The silence was stronger than ever.

"Penny, what's wrong? Do you need to come over?"

"It's about Sheldon."

Leonard felt his heart rise to his throat. A knot tied in his stomach, and then another, and then another. He remembered Sheldon's glare that morning, the way his voice wavered like it never had before. The way Leonard was unusually angry with him. What about Sheldon? What had he done? What had Sheldon done?

"Can you come over?"

Penny was silent for a moment. "I don't think he should be there when I talk to you."

Leonard felt sick before saying to Penny, "He's not here right now."

"It's…" Leonard could almost hear Penny shifting on her couch looking at her clock. He could almost feel the silk of her pajama pants. He could almost see her eyes, worried and confused, shining as she told him everything she needed to.

"12:09. Why isn't he home?" But before Leonard could answer, she had hung up the phone; and before he even got out of bed, he heard a knock on his door. Leonard's feet touched the cold floor and he winced. He shrugged on a hoodie and tiptoed to the door before realizing he didn't need to be quiet; Sheldon wouldn't be angry at him for waking him up. Sheldon wasn't there. Sheldon was gone.

Sheldon wasn't gone, Sheldon just wasn't here. Leonard's mind was racing as he opened the door and saw Penny in those pink silk pajama pants that he imagined just seconds earlier. She strode into the room, arms crossed against the cold. She paused at a spot by the kitchen counter, staring into one spot on the floor, as if seeing something that wasn't there. Leonard quietly closed the door. She knew something about Sheldon that he didn't, and for some reason, that angered him. He wanted Sheldon to tell him what was going on—he wanted Sheldon to talk to him, like a normal roommate, like a normal human being—

"He smashed two bowls right here," Penny said shakily, pointing at the ground. "He knocked them off the counter with his arm, and they fell and broke. I cleaned it up so you or Howard or Raj or Sheldon wouldn't step on any glass."

"Glass? Why did he knock it off?"

"He was angry."

"He deliberately did this? Were you hurt?"

"No, he was—confused—I don't know, but he was upset…"

"What happened, Penny?"

"That scar! That scar, have you ever seen it?"

As soon as she said it, Leonard felt his heart grow cold. He didn't know, of course not. But something in her voice, something in the way she was looking at him told Leonard that he should have known. That it wasn't just one of Sheldon's odd phases, but it was something much, much more.

"What are you talking about?" Leonard asked quietly.

"He has this huge fricken scar, right here!" Penny almost shrieked, grabbing her stomach. "It's bloody, and gross, and it looks like it really, really hurts!"

"How did he get it?" Leonard asked, feeling dizzy.

"I don't know, that's why I came to you!" Penny dropped her arms, and Leonard felt as though her hands were pulling at his shirt, begging for an answer. "He was really upset, he was almost—I don't know, crying or something…"

"He wasn't crying, I know that," Leonard said, turning to the countertop and running his hand along it.

"He was! And that scar!"

"Maybe it was just something from when he was a kid. He and his siblings used to fight a lot. I mean, it sucks, but he used to get beat up a lot. Hell, we all did!" Leonard said, suddenly angry with Penny. "Me, Raj, Howard, Sheldon—all of us. Nobody likes that one nerd in class, no one wanted to be friends with us. He's never brought it up, so it's probably not serious."

"You've got to be kidding," Penny breathed, tears stinging at her eyes. "It wasn't just from fooling around with the kids at school, it was different! I know it!"

"How do you know?"

"I just do!"

"It's nothing."

"God, Leonard, why are you being like this? What are you mad at me for? You don't even know!"

"Penny, let it go!" Leonard clutched the edge of the counter and turned to face Penny, shouting now. He didn't know what had made him so angry—but his face was red, his hands were shaking with rage. He felt a pang of guilt as he saw Penny's lip tremble. He had never seen her so scared—but at the same time, he had never seen her so confident and sure of herself. But not Sheldon, not Sheldon—she was wrong—Leonard had known Sheldon for so much longer, Penny was the one who didn't even know…

"Hello, Penny. Leonard."

Leonard jumped at the sound of Sheldon's voice from the doorway. Penny, forgetting her anger with Leonard, stepped closer to him, her hand just inches away from his. Suddenly Leonard was overcome with the urge to grab her hand, hold it tightly, and watch Sheldon go back in time to when he was calmly in his spot reading a comic book. But that wasn't possible. Penny's hand wasn't his to hold, and he certainly couldn't go back in time.

"I'm sorry, I realize I'm late." Sheldon dropped his bag on the floor. "I lost track of time. I was with Amy." But his eyes were fixated on undoing the snap buttons on his jacket. "I'm sorry if I kept you up, but you could have gone to bed."

Neither Penny nor Leonard spoke. Sheldon cleared his throat and tried to move past them, avoiding any contact with Penny—even a brush of her smooth, tan arm seemed like poison to him. Penny bit her lip. Leonard shot her a glare, but Penny was upset—she couldn't be stopped.

"We need to know what happened, Sheldon."

Sheldon stopped in his tracks, but did not turn to face his friends. Penny cleared her throat nervously and glanced at Leonard.

"I told Leonard, and…we just want to know."

"I could ask you what you're talking about, but I'll save us all time and assume you're talking about the scar you saw this morning." Sheldon turned around, his face emotionless, impossible to read. "Well, Leonard, Penny, since you are wondering, I will tell you."

Leonard felt sick. He didn't want to hear. He wanted to cover his ears and shout. He didn't want to hear. Why didn't he know about this?

"When I was young, my sister Missy and I were playing hide-and-seek. I hid in the closet, but heard her in just the other room. I thought that I had more of a chance to escape if I slipped out of the closet and down the stairs. But as I emerged at the top of the stairs, my older brother George startled me by jumping out from behind a closed door. I fell, and my shirt caught the top of the railing—as I continued to fall, the railing scratched me until I reached the floor, causing this scar. It is nothing more than a childish mistake that was made many, many years ago."

And then Sheldon looked at Leonard for the first time that day. Anyone but Leonard would have said that there was no change to the way Sheldon stared with those unseeing eyes. But Leonard knew. Leonard knew that it wasn't hide-and-seek that had given Sheldon that injury. Leonard knew that Sheldon had gotten beat up far worse than he had let any of the others know. Something in those ocean blue eyes told Leonard that there was much, much more than that. Leonard knew, and he wished he didn't.

And Penny saw the look between Sheldon and Leonard, and wished she didn't. She bit her lip so hard that she felt she might break the skin. Tears stung at her eyes, and she wiped them away with a perfectly polished hand.

"Fine. Fine. If you don't want to tell me, I'll just leave." She started towards the door, bare feet stomping on the wooden floor. Before she left, she gave one fleeting glare at Leonard and then slammed the door behind her. Leonard stared after her, still with her glassy eyes in his mind. When he turned back around, Sheldon was gone. On the counter sat his flash drive.

At three in the morning, Leonard heard the bathroom water running again. If he listened closely, he thought he could hear Sheldon's ragged breathing.


	4. Feel

**All right, fourth chapter is up! I'm trying to update as fast as I can! Thanks so, so much for all your reviews. I'm amazed at how many people are reading this! You're the best!**

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><p>Chapter Four: Feeling<p>

_Ten-years-old. Sheldon sat on the couch holding a bag of ice to his left eye. He watched the fuzzy TV, not bothering to fuss with the satellite. He sniffed, and then put his hand to his nose, realizing that it wasn't just runny—but it was bloody. He reached for a nearby tissue and held it to his face. He was safe now. He was safe on his couch, his old, torn, beautiful couch. George Jr. was still at school, Missy was at a friend's house. Sheldon liked this time to himself. He liked to think. He liked to pretend he was in outer space, completely gone, completely disconnected from everything that was happening on earth. He loved that time, sitting on that couch, with that bag of ice to his face._

_ "Shellybean," Mary's gentle voice floated through the front door and around the corner. "I'm home, honey. I hope you weren't alone too long." She dropped her groceries on the kitchen table and turned on the light (Sheldon liked to sit in the dark). When she faced Sheldon, she gasped—but it wasn't shock. It was a sad, knowing intake of breath, one that Sheldon had heard so many times before._

_ "Oh, Shelly, what happened?" Mary made her way next to Sheldon, pulling him into her. She took the bag of ice and gingerly touched the bruise forming on his left eye—black and purple and yellow and painful. She rubbed his nose with another tissue and then tossed them in the trash. His nose had stopped bleeding. Sheldon sniffed again, just to make sure._

_ "Was it Jake and those boys?"_

_ Sheldon shrugged._

_ "They're just intimidated by me." Mary laughed and kissed her son tenderly on the head._

_ "That's right, they are."_

_ "No, really."_

_ "I know."_

_ Sheldon was quiet for a moment._

_ "I don't need them, anyways. I have you and Missy and Georgie."_

_ "And your father. You have your father."_

_ Sheldon said nothing. Mary pursed her lips and looked down at her hands._

_ "I bought you your favorite cereal today," Sheldon's mother smiled. "There was a customer who bought twenty-five taffy apples today. Twenty-five! Who needs that many apples?" Mary smoothed down Sheldon's hair as she idly talked. "Then there was a woman who complained that her lettuce was not fresh. I asked her to show me the receipt, and she had bought it two weeks ago! Of course it isn't fresh, it's two weeks old!" Mary laughed. Sheldon was quiet. "I might be getting that raise, Shellybean," Mary continued, playing with Sheldon's hair. "Wouldn't that be nice? I could buy you some new shoes."_

_ Sheldon looked down at his feet. His shoes were clunky, light brown. Jake and those boys laughed at him for wearing those shoes, but what other choice did Sheldon have? Jake's parents were rich. He could get any shoes he wanted. Sheldon swore to himself that he would be rich when he got older, and buy only the best shoes. Sensible shoes, of course, but the best ones. Mary picked a piece of dust off of Sheldon's shirt and tossed it aside. The house fell into utter silence until Mary spoke._

_ "Why can't you just talk to me?" Mary's voice was suddenly shrill. "Please, Sheldon, talk to me! Why are you so quiet? You used to be my little chatterbox. What happened, Sheldon, what happened?" Sheldon looked at his mother, horrified. His stomach dropped—he felt sick. He had never seen her cry before. Even when George was screaming at her and she was clutching the countertop for her life. Even when she woke Sheldon up for school and she moved so slowly, like she was sore. Even when she came home from work to cook dinner, and then left pick up George because he was drunk. Sheldon didn't know what to do. All he knew is that he never, ever wanted to feel what she was feeling—it looked so painful. Too painful._

_ A door slammed. Both Sheldon and Mary snapped their heads to the side. Mary quickly smoothed her skirt and wiped her eyes, standing up and busying herself at the kitchen. Over the crinkling grocery bags and Mary's nervous humming, Sheldon heard the thundering footsteps of his father and sank deeper into the couch, pressing the ice into his eye until it was numb with cold. He heard a gruff voice, but couldn't hear what his father was saying._

_ A slap. Sheldon yelled in surprise, dropping the ice. His cheek glowed._

_ "I said, what happened to your face?" George grumbled, towering high above Sheldon. Sheldon stole a glance at his mother, who looked just as helpless as he felt. Her hands shook as she unloaded the groceries, her humming getting louder._

_ "I got into a fight at school."_

_ "A fight?"_

_ "Yeah," Sheldon looked down, wishing he could get the ice, put it over both of his eyes and disappear into the cushions. "A fight." George grunted._

_ "You win?"_

_ "George, don't ask him that," Mary snapped from the kitchen, but her timid, shaky voice was silenced with one glare from her husband._

_ "I won," Sheldon lied. "I won. Probably because…because you've taught me so much."_

_ George let out a shout of laughter. Sheldon hated seeing those yellow crooked teeth._

_ "You got that right," He said, and sat at the kitchen table, cracking open a beer. The three were silent for a long time. Part of Sheldon wanted Missy to come home, to put her soft, warm arm around his shoulders and protect him. The other part of Sheldon wanted Missy to stay far, far away, living in another world for as long as she could. He wanted her to look pretty in her dress. He didn't want her to have to explain a bruise to her friend's parents. She didn't normally have to—it was Sheldon who took the hits for her. It was Sheldon who provoked his father on the really bad nights, knowing that at least his mother or Missy wouldn't be hurt. He never went after George Jr. His father loved him. He would never lay a hand on him._

_ "Mom, can I have some more ice?" Sheldon asked, holding out his melted icepack. He wandered into the kitchen where he felt George's eyes burning on the back of his head. Mary got the ice silently for him, giving him a soft pat on the head. He wasn't feeling as bad as he did after Jake beat him up, but even his mother's tender pats on the head sent pain radiating through Sheldon. He winced, but regretted it as soon as he heard his father grunt._

_ "You gotta toughen up, kid," George said, taking a swig of beer. "Let's you and me go out shooting tomorrow."_

_ "I can't," Sheldon protested. "I have my science project due. I have to go to school."_

_ "I'm not having my son doing some art project. You're coming shooting with me and the men."_

_ "But…but this is really important…"_

_ And at that moment, one pair of blue eyes met the other. George slammed his beer on the table and swore under his breath. That was the last time he spoke to Sheldon that night, but even without words, Sheldon knew what would be coming later. He dropped the ice by his plate and picked at his food soundlessly. Missy came home a few hours later, but Sheldon quickly found an excuse to get her and Mary to go back to the store—he claimed Mary hadn't gotten his favorite type of milk. He couldn't have any milk but that kind. Mary kissed her son on the forehead, using her thumb to stroke the side of his face, right where George had hit him. The girls shut the door behind them, and Sheldon was alone. He snuck past his father, sleeping on the couch, and went to his room with his latest comic book. It wasn't long before George came up the stairs._

_ "What was that back there?" George slurred, standing in the doorway to Sheldon's room. Sheldon hurriedly put down his comic book. "You have no right to disrespect your father like that." George's eyes were bloodshot. Everyone said that Sheldon had his father's eyes, but Sheldon hated when they said that. George's eyes were always glaring, narrowed, and red around the edges. Sheldon stared with round eyes, bright with knowledge, shimmering with innocence and tears. Sheldon waited for his father to finish speaking, not quite sure of what he was saying._

_ "Well?" George suddenly demanded._

_ "I don't know," Sheldon said quietly, looking down and playing with the edge of his comic book. He put his hand over the red of the Flash's uniform and closed his eyes. He wished he could be that fast. He wished he could be halfway across the world in one second, where it wasn't so hot and people weren't so stupid and he had friends and a father who actually loved him. But that kind of life only existed on pages, and even though Sheldon tried, he could never quite disappear into the books._

_ "What the HELL are you doing?" George said. "LISTEN to me!" And he ripped the comic book from Sheldon's hands. For the first time, Sheldon shot up from his seat and cried out, reaching for his book. Before his hands were even halfway raised above his head, though, George had torn the book in two._

_ "No, no, stop!" Sheldon cried, jumping and waving and reaching for the comic. George ripped it again. And again. With each sound of tearing paper, Sheldon felt his stomach twist. He continued to jump, his father lifting the comic book high, high above his head. He jumped as though he might fly through the roof and into the sticky evening sky. However, as soon as he felt himself being lifted off the ground and into an alternate world, a world of planets and stars, he felt his father's calloused hand on his face. Sheldon fell to the ground, tears brimming. George kicked him in the side._

_ "Boys do NOT cry. Get up."_

_ Sheldon shook his head violently._

_ "Get up. Now."_

_ Sheldon stayed where he was, holding his already-sore face in his hands, looking at the shredded comic in George's hand._

_ "You want this? You can't have it. Grow up, kid."_

_ "Please," Sheldon croaked, and instantly regretted it. George's eyes turned even redder with anger, drunkenness, a fury that Sheldon had seen too many times before. George lowered his arm again and Sheldon once again felt pain radiating through his body. With that final blow, George scoffed. Sneered. He looked at his son on the floor with disdain before tossing the destroyed comic at Sheldon's feet. Sheldon closed his eyes, but heard his father walk out of the room, down the stairs, and back to the couch. Before Missy, Mary, and George Jr. got home, Sheldon's father was asleep on the couch. Nothing had changed. Sheldon was in his room, sniffling to himself, reading a comic book covered in tape. He didn't want to feel anymore. It was too painful._


	5. Normal

**Chapter 5 is up! I do have some difficulty writing Sheldon's voice, and this chapter was a bit difficult for me, but please feel free to review and let me know what you think! Thanks everyone :)**

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><p>Chapter Five: Normal<p>

Sheldon woke up Saturday morning at 8:00 sharp. Light was streaming through the window—bright white light, cruelly blinding Sheldon as he lay in his bed, breathing heavily. He woke up yelling and then clapped a hand over his mouth, holding his breath and hoping that Leonard didn't hear. It didn't make sense. Nothing made sense. Sheldon had refused to let it happen again. He wanted his head filled with equations, objects, books…instead he had one gravelly and one shrill voice filling his head, ringing like bells in his ears as he fell asleep, and he woke up trembling. Sheldon sat up slowly and realized that his pillow was drenched in sweat. He listened in silence for a long time, sitting in his bed, awake but still somehow asleep. He didn't even realize that he was crying until he felt tears drop down onto his folded clammy hands.

* * *

><p>Knock, knock.<p>

"Penny."

Two knocks, once more. Leonard knew Penny's rule of waking her up before 11:00, but this was an exception. Sheldon was always the exception. Anal, particular, annoying Sheldon. Always getting his way. Just as he was about to knock again, Leonard was met with Penny as she flung open the door. Her hair was up in a messy bun on top of her head and her eyes were sunken.

"Penny…" Leonard started, but then realized that he had not planned out what to say when he actually came face-to-face with her. The night before, he had thought about work. He thought about Howard and Raj and their next game night. He thought about what he would eat for breakfast. He thought of everything he possibly could but Sheldon. At the same time, he could not stop picturing Sheldon in the next room over with that ugly scar, afraid, different. Fortunately, Penny threw her arms around Leonard before he could say another word.

"I'm sorry," Leonard finally managed, burying his face into the neck of Penny's sweatshirt. Penny shook her head. When she pulled away, she studied Leonard deeply. When her eyes met his, Leonard knew that Penny saw something in him that he didn't. Whatever it was, Penny seemed to understand. It made him feel defensive and relieved at the same time. Without another word, Penny pulled Leonard into her apartment.

* * *

><p>Sheldon turned on the light in the bathroom. Then he turned it off. Then he turned it on again. He stood there for a long time, staring at himself in the mirror. Those blue eyes that looked so much like his father's. That smooth, slim face, just like his mother's. When he was a child, he used to hear that his smile resembled his twin's in every way. He couldn't imagine that now. Missy was always smiling—laughing, chatting, perfect. Nothing holding her back. He had his mother's face, his father's eyes, and his twin's smile. Sheldon lifted his shirt an inch, and then paused.<p>

_"Dad!"_

It was the first time Sheldon had ever called his father "Dad." He referred to him as George to others he met, or called him his father. He avoided speaking directly to George, giving him any name that showed any relation to Sheldon. But that one time. _Dad. _Shaking off the memory, Sheldon lifted his shirt and ran his hand along that scar that someone else now knew about. That scar was his own. Missy didn't have one. Georgie definitely didn't have one. Sheldon hated it. He hated the way it looked on his skin. He hated how he felt when he looked at it. But it was the one thing Sheldon had for himself. If he couldn't have his own eyes or face or smile, he could have that scar.

* * *

><p>Leonard and Penny sat on one couch. Howard, Raj, and Amy sat on another. They all sat in the same way; bent forward, hands folded, staring into the ground as though it might offer an answer. Amy was unusually quiet, her eyes unusually filled with fear. She had no logical answers, which scared the group more than anything else. When Leonard and Penny told them what was happening, none of them sprang into action or tried to offer explanations, like they would any other day. Raj and Howard looked at each other in that way they always did—in that way where they communicated with thoughts and no one else in the world could read them. Leonard looked at Howard and Raj looking at each other and felt his stomach dip. He'd known Sheldon for years, but when had they ever looked at each other like that?<p>

Penny was her usual self. She let every bit of her feelings show—her confusion, her worry, her sadness. It was now that Leonard realized that Penny and Sheldon had something. The way Penny put up with him—like she enjoyed it. She liked to take care of him, she liked that she was part of his life. It's why she needed to fix him. It's why she called Howard and Raj and Amy. Because she loved Sheldon, she needed to fix him.

As soon as Leonard had told Amy Sheldon's excuses for being so absent, Amy's eyes widened. "I haven't seen him in days. He hasn't been with me." That sentence silenced everyone. After all the times Sheldon had told Leonard he was with Amy. After a few minutes of the realization, Amy sniffed. Howard and Raj looked at one another again. Raj leaned in to whisper something. Silence.

"I just thought you guys should know what's going on. It seems like it's no big deal, but something's wrong. He's up in the middle of the night, Leonard said that sometimes he hears talking coming from his room…" Leonard felt four pairs of eyes burning into him, drilling him, quizzing him. He only nodded.

"But come on, guys…" Howard smiled that nervous smile the group had come to know so well. "This is Sheldon. He'll be fine. He always is. Right?" He turned to Raj, who shrugged, turning his empty beer bottle in his hands.

"We wouldn't know, would we? He's never really shown us anything except for annoyance. How do we know that he'll be fine?"

"He seemed fine last week," Penny said. Amy cleared her throat and looked up for the first time.

"It is common that those with depression show no signs of it to friends or family. Oftentimes, no one could guess that anything is wrong."

"He's not depressed," Leonard snapped. Penny rubbed her eyes. Leonard couldn't tell if her eyes were red from lack of sleep or upcoming tears.

"What explanations do you have, then?" Amy demanded. "We don't know if he could be depressed. According to you, we don't know anything. If you have better ideas, enlighten me." Amy stopped suddenly, shaking her head, her cheeks growing red. "I apologize," She said after a moment.

"Look, maybe he just…" Howard fell silent. There was nothing to say.

"Maybe he's just mad that we found out about it. Maybe he was embarrassed that he got it while playing a game." Raj said hopefully, but Amy just shook her head.

"He wouldn't get that mad over something like that."

"Come on, look at him! Something is obviously different about him, we have no clue what. It could be anything."

Leonard felt his chest tightening. This is Sheldon. Sheldon is fine. Sheldon is Sheldon. Leonard watched Penny bite her perfectly manicured hands. He watched Amy tug nervously at her knee-length skirt.

"Stop." Leonard's voice must have been louder than he expected. He said the simple word under his breath as he watched his hands intertwined with one another, knuckles turning white. When he looked up, everyone was watching him. Leonard felt that knot tying itself in his stomach again and anger rise in his chest.

"Just stop. I'll go home tonight and just talk to him. It's not rational of us to get this upset over one incident."

"Yeah, but it wasn't normal," Penny said, nails still close to her mouth.

"When has he ever been normal?" Leonard asked angrily. Penny opened her mouth but no words came out. "Please, tell me. When was the last time we've _ever _seen Sheldon act like a normal person?"

"Hey, buddy," Howard said warningly. Leonard scoffed.

"Normal. That's crap. If I go home and he's like he always is, everything is fine. Sometimes things just…I don't know…blow over."

Penny watched Leonard with that understanding in her eyes.

"It's not going to just go away, sweetie," She said hoarsely. Leonard stood up suddenly, making everybody jump.

"I'm going back to the apartment. You don't think he's catching on to this? That we're all somewhere without him? He knows what's going on. He's not stupid." And with that, Leonard stormed out the door. Only when he began to walk back to the apartment he realized how stupid that must have sounded. Of course Sheldon wasn't stupid. He was the smartest, most brilliant man he had ever met. And to think of him in so much pain, whatever the scar was from…Leonard didn't like to think about it, so he didn't.

* * *

><p>Sheldon sat in his spot, reading his favorite comic book. The apartment was perfect; the comic was perfect. His friends were perfect and his job was perfect. But Sheldon was torn apart, and he didn't know why—and Sheldon hated not to know why. So instead of reading, instead of thinking, instead of drowning in the thoughts running wild in his mind, Sheldon rested his head on his arm, his arm on the pillow, and drifted off to sleep, hoping that maybe this time sleep would mean peace. Moments later, Sheldon heard the knob on the door to the apartment turn with that familiar click. He opened his eyes, but didn't bother to get up. He didn't want to. He felt lethargic—useless. He heard footsteps cross to the kitchen, and then stop. Leonard cleared his throat.<p>

"You reading the _Flash_, huh?" Leonard smiled, pointing at the comic book on the table. Sheldon smiled slightly, but his eyes remained dull. Leonard sat next to Sheldon, turning on the TV as if it were any other day. Both Sheldon and Leonard were silently hoping, begging that it actually was like any other day.

"Howard wanted to take Bernadette out of town for the weekend," Leonard snorted suddenly, remembering Howard telling the group his surprise plans for his girlfriend. "To get away from his mother, most likely." He changed a channel. "Raj seemed upset that he was leaving, of course. I don't think he'll ever get over the fact that his boyfriend has a girlfriend." Leonard laughed, thinking of the countless times Raj has leaned in to whisper something to Howard. He thought of their fights. It was like they were an old couple who bickered and laughed and snapped at one another. It made him laugh, but it also made him feel strangely empty. Leonard looked at Sheldon, whose arm was tucked under his head. His eyes were glassy, his mouth small.

"Why can't you ever just talk to me, Sheldon?" The words were out before Leonard could stop them. Sheldon's glassy, dull eyes suddenly came to life. He sat up quickly. There was a tiny red spot on Sheldon's cheek where he'd been lying on his elbow.

"Excuse me?"

"Why can't you just talk to me, like a normal roommate? What's going on with you? Not just these past few days, but always. You never just _talk_. Sometimes I wonder why I even call you my best friend. Do I even know you?" Leonard burst, turning off the TV and throwing down the remote.

"I don't have time for this," Sheldon said curtly. He stood and grabbed his jacket. Leonard threw himself off the couch, wheeling on Sheldon.

"Do you know how alone I feel when I'm with you? It's a strange feeling. I'm here, sitting right next to you, talking, sometimes even laughing, and I feel _alone_! Like I'm by myself! With you, I am alone." Leonard's voice shook. Sheldon stared back at him—the fury in his eyes turned to hurt, and Leonard caught his breath. The silence before Sheldon spoke was deafening.

"I am alone _all_ the _time_." Sheldon's voice was quiet. Low. "I am alone at work. I am alone at home. I am alone everywhere I go, and I have _always_ been alone." His cheeks were bright red. "Meemaw always told me that it would get better, but it never did, and it damn well never will."

He turned sharply, snapping each button of his jacket with fumbling hands. Leonard looked out the window—clouds were forming, wind whipped the trees.

"Sheldon, that's not what I…"

"It is, though. I know it is what you meant. It is what everyone thinks, isn't it? Kids at birthday parties, kids down the street, everybody. I'm too different. I should just give up." Sheldon thrust open the door and Leonard forced himself to speak.

"Sheldon, please!"

"I wasn't playing with my sister, okay?" Sheldon paused in the doorway. "When I got it. I wasn't playing with Missy. I was beat up. They were some kids from my block, and they cornered me once when I was walking home from school. They didn't mean for it to get this violent. When it happened, they did what any other child would do. They ran. They did not want a run-in with the police or their parents, so they ran. I came home and my mother took care of me. I've accepted it. I've accepted what has happened to me." But a voice in the back of Sheldon's head was screaming, crying, begging to be heard. _Dad. _Sheldon shivered involuntarily. "Is that what you wanted to hear? Are you happy now?"And with that, Sheldon slammed the door behind him. Leonard was left standing in the apartment, Sheldon's words ringing in his head. He could imagine the kids from the next house over, taking Sheldon into a nearby alley, pushing and shoving…but as Leonard closed his eyes and remembered the fresh tears springing into his best friend's eyes, he shuddered. There had to be more. There had to be more. There had to be.


	6. Happy

**Here's chapter six! As always, enjoy and feel free to review :)**

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><p>Chapter Six: Happy<p>

_ He was seven-years-old. "I actually found the test rather elementary. It astounds me that I am surrounded by people with knowledge so inferior to my own." Sheldon sat at a colorful table covered in confetti, balloons floating overhead. Across from him sat three young boys in party hats, staring blankly. Sheldon cleared his throat and reached for his red plastic cup full of Mountain Dew._

_ "That's mine," The boy in the middle said, reaching across the table to snatch the cup out of Sheldon's hand. The two boys next to him suppressed a laugh._

_ "It's all right; I suppose I'll go get another one." Sheldon's words were clipped as he excused himself from the table. Heat rushing to his face. As soon as he stepped into the kitchen, he heard the boys burst into laughter. Sheldon shook his head. It wasn't fair. It was Sheldon's cup. They didn't have any right to just take it from him. Sheldon stood by the punch bowl and stared out the window for a while. It was Terry Ellis' birthday party. Sheldon had gotten the invitation at school and knew immediately that Terry was only inviting him because his mother made him. He could tell by the way Terry looked at the floor, embarrassed, his friends snickering behind him, as he asked Sheldon. Sheldon put the envelope into his backpack, intending to throw it away when he got home—but as soon as Mary saw it, she was beside herself with excitement. Her baby boy, going to a birthday party, surrounded by friends and cake and laughter. Sheldon laughed to himself. He was in the kitchen alone, standing with a measly cup of punch, the sound of cruel laughter behind him. Sheldon was used to that sound now._

_ Sheldon set down his cup and walked idly to the deck in the backyard where Terry was surrounded by friends. He was holding a remote control airplane that caught Sheldon's eye. The boys were envying Terry's new toy when Sheldon forced his way into the circle._

_ "Is that a plane? Do you want to be a pilot? I want to be an engineer or a doctor or a physicist. Whatever job I have, I'll win the Nobel Prize. I'm sure of it." Sheldon smiled a tight, closed smile, looking at the boys for their reactions._

_ Terry just looked at Sheldon like he had sprouted an extra head. The boys around him laughed._

_ "It's just a toy, man," Terry scoffed. His short friend with long blonde hair doubled over laughing by his side._

_ "Oh." Sheldon nodded. He knew that it was his cue to leave. He didn't want to talk to them, anyway. He was only doing this for his mother—as if his mother could see him here. He knew that she'd want him to talk to the other boys, tell stories, make them laugh. If only Sheldon could tell her that he had no interest in that. He didn't want to be around the other boys. He didn't want to make them laugh. He didn't want to make them his friends. Sheldon slid the screen door aside, plastering himself against the wall as Terry's dog, a huge, slobbering mess, bounded outside. The music was too loud. The laughter was too loud. The whirring of the remote control airplane was much, much too loud. Sheldon quietly slipped past the gossiping mothers in the kitchen and headed to the stairs for the bathroom._

_ "Hey, Sheldon," The same boy with blonde hair met Sheldon halfway up the stairs and rounded on him. Sheldon stumbled._

_ "Hi, Joey." Sheldon said, pursing his lips and looking past Joey. "I have to use the bathroom."_

_ "We'll walk with you." This voice came from behind Sheldon. Another boy, this one tall with dark, wavy hair and big, white teeth stood grinning at Joey._

_ "That really isn't necessary." Sheldon shrugged his shoulders and tried to move around Joey—but before he knew what was happening, each of his arms was locked in the hands of the two boys and Sheldon's feet were suspended in mid-air. Sheldon kicked and squirmed, but refused to scream. If there was one thing he learned from his father, it was never to scream._

_ "Come on—this isn't necessary—just let me go!" Sheldon said calmly, still kicking his legs, running in mid-air. Joey laughed, a mean glint in his eye._

_ "Of course it's not necessary," He grinned. They were finally at the top of the long, spiraling staircase. The music was muffled. The mothers were downstairs watching their own children, casually resting an arm across their shoulders, perhaps. Laughing as they watched their sons interact with their friends. Sheldon wanted nothing more than to run to his own mother, to feel her soft arms enveloping him into a hug, to bury his face into her shoulder which smelled of the grocery store she worked at…to be rocked by her until he grew tired and went to bed. Instead, the next touch he felt was the sharp sting of Joey's fist just skimming his jaw._

_ What happened next was more of what Sheldon already knew. Punches, kicks. Laughing, name-calling. Sheldon took it like he always did—he waited for it to be over. He didn't cry or yell; he knew that it would only encourage the boys. He didn't understand them. Why did they feel the need to do that? It wasn't logical. It wasn't necessary. It didn't make any sense. He waited until Joey and his friend was finished. He waited until they walked away, laughing, and the bathroom door swung shut. He waited while they went and told their mothers where they were—helping Sheldon, because "he fell outside while playing with the airplane and has lots of bruises now." He waited for a long time, listening to the faint music with his ear still pressed to the floor, breathing heavily._

_ When Sheldon went downstairs, one of the mothers gave him ice. She had long, perfectly manicured fingernails and blonde hair like a helmet. Sheldon accepted the ice, thanked her, and went to sit on the front stoop for his father to pick him up at 7:30._

_ It had always happened, but Sheldon had gotten better at accepting it. He didn't cry anymore. He didn't yell. In fact, he barely even felt hurt or betrayed by his schoolmates. He figured that they were threatened, so they didn't talk to him. They felt bad about themselves if they did talk to him because he was so smart. Besides, it didn't matter if the boys didn't like him, because Sheldon was just fine on his own._

_ Sheldon's father never came to pick him up. Sheldon considered calling Mary's work, but didn't want to bother her. He considered going back inside and telling one of the mothers what had happened, but he didn't want his family to be the talk of the next party. A few minutes later, Sheldon set down his icepack, touched his bruises gingerly, and began to walk home._

_ By the time he got home, Missy and George Jr. were asleep. George was on the couch watching TV. He didn't bother to look up when Sheldon walked through the door. Mary was dozing at the kitchen table, hair frizzy and bags under her eyes from work. Sheldon liked it this way. He went to his room peacefully without having to talk to anyone or make up some excuse. He picked up the books he had rented from the library. After thirty minutes, he had finished all of them. I'm happy, Sheldon thought to himself. I'm happy, I'm happy, I'm happy. It turned into a plea._

_ And Sheldon fell asleep, still clutching a book—a shield, a protector—to his chest. Little Sheldon, book in arm and bruises on face. That was the way it was._

_ I'm happy, I'm happy, I'm happy._


	7. Forced Smiles and Broken Hearts

**Here it is! Chapter seven :) I hope you're enjoying the story so far, and I love every one of you that is reading and/or reviewing! Thank you much!**

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><p>Chapter Seven: Forced Smiles and Broken Hearts<p>

Sheldon's breath came out in short, ragged jerks. His long legs carried him down the old, cracked sidewalk with a mind of their own. It was now late November, almost December. His hands were buried deep in his pockets, his arms protected with long sleeves. Wind whipped his rosy cheeks and ruffled his perfectly combed hair. Around him, couples, teenagers, children and parents walked from store to store, laughing and talking and then getting in the car and driving home. As the night came closer, the streets became emptier. Cars left the street, but the distant sound of sirens still screamed in Sheldon's ears. Quiet, loud, quiet again. He passed by a store window with a Christmas tree in front. Sheldon stopped by the window and peered at the simple tree. He thought of Christmastime at his house. His classmates came to school talking about their Christmas trees and colored lights. On Christmas morning, they gathered around the tree, talking with their families and permitting their mothers to plant sloppy kisses on their cheeks.

At Sheldon's house, Christmas was different. Their tree was small with few ornaments hanging on it. On the bush outside, one strand of lights hung limply. His mother never paid much attention to the glamour of Christmas—instead, she carried a bible with her throughout the house, reading to anyone who would listen. It was just as well. The Coopers didn't have the money for new toys and gadgets. Of course, the children got a few presents each. Sheldon reacted to his presents with happiness to please his mother—to perhaps put a spark in those tired morning eyes—but inside, he hated it. He hated presents. He knew that Santa didn't buy them. He knew that his father definitely didn't buy them. He knew that Mary spent her days searching for the perfect presents for her babies, and no matter how much they acted to love them, she was never happy. And Sheldon was never happy. He hated presents. They were nothing but forced smiles and broken hearts.

Sheldon vividly remembered the last Christmas he had ever spent with his family. He came home from the University, now age twelve. He was met by Mary, who looked more exhausted than ever. Missy came down the stairs, hair in a high ponytail, looking beautiful as always. Mary pulled Sheldon in close to her, but Missy stayed her distance. When Georgie came in the room, she whispered something to him. As soon as Mary turned and ran into the kitchen to fix Sheldon a drink, Georgie stepped up so his face was inches from Sheldon's.

_"How's college life, buddy?" He asked meanly. He was now at that awkward teenage age—tall and lanky with pants that were too short and a voice that cracked with every word. He took pride in lashing out at others—at proving himself a man. Just like George. Sheldon told himself not to take it personally. Missy elbowed Georgie, clearing her throat._

_ "Georgie," She said, but her voice was small._

_ "What? I'm just asking him," Georgie backed away a few steps, crossing his arms and looking over Sheldon. Little, skinny Sheldon, straining to keep his balance even with a backpack thirty pounds heavier than him. "How's life been without us? All safe, warm, cozy? Everything you ever wanted?"_

_ "Listen, Georgie, I know you're upset," Sheldon started. He glanced at Missy. His twin, his opposite. Missy just looked at the floor. She wore a green dress down to her knees. Her shiny ponytail swung back and forth as she shook her head._

_ "You bet your ass I'm upset!" Georgie burst. Sheldon caught his breath. "What, you think that you're better than us? You, with your stupid science projects and comic books?"_

"_Come on, Georgie," Missy turned her head to look behind her, as if her parents would enter any minute. Her ponytail swung from side to side as she whipped her head back. "Let's just go help Mom in the kitchen."_

"_Did you make any friends there?" Georgie said quietly. "Are you popular there? Does everyone want to be your best friend?"_

_ "Missy?" Sheldon asked, looking at his sister for guidance. He never did this. He liked to be the one with the answers, but at times like these, he could almost feel her arm snake around his shoulders and pull him closer, like when they were little. There must have been something in his voice, some desperate, pleading cry of help, because Missy met his eyes with her own._

_ "You didn't do anything wrong, Shelly," Missy assured with her pretty smile. But the smile didn't reach her eyes._

_ "You think that you're the greatest thing that ever walked this planet!" Georgie cried. "But you're not. You're creepy. You're weird. You're a freak."_

_ "Georgie!" Missy's shrill voice._

_ And then footsteps. Coming down the stairs. Slowly, steadily. Sheldon felt his entire body go cold. He hurriedly stuck his shaking hands in his pockets. Missy abruptly turned and ran into the kitchen to help her mother, but Georgie stayed, staring at Sheldon until George was there, in front of Sheldon, at George Jr.'s side. Sheldon had grown quite a bit over the years, but still felt that his father towered over him._

_ That was all Sheldon remembered of that Christmas. He had planned to stay until New Year's, but on the 26__th__ of December, Sheldon was on a train back to school. A steady train, with a promise of creaks and puffs of smoke. A small rocking as Sheldon sat, knees drawn to his chest, happily reading his newest comic book. At school, he had learned to become immune to others' feelings. He learned to not let his emotions get the best of him. He had a new face; a dull, expressionless face, a shield that protected him from all the evils in the world. It worked perfectly. At home, that disappeared, and Sheldon was left vulnerable. Scared. It was the last time he returned to that house._

Sheldon was brought back to the empty street with the cry of a teenage girl. She looked about seventeen-years-old. She wore a purple knit hat over short black hair. A boy about her age held her hand in his and pulled her along next to him. Together they walked, heads down, against the wind. When they got to their car, she slid her arm around his waist and squeezed tightly. They didn't kiss—only smiled at one another, like they knew every one of each other's secrets. For a split second, Sheldon thought of Penny. He thought of how much she didn't know. He thought of how much he didn't want her to know. Or Leonard. Or anyone else. And for that reason, Sheldon walked on, shuffling into the cold lonely air. Seconds later, lightning cracked and lit up the sky.

* * *

><p>"He's gone."<p>

Two words. Two words were all that was needed to silence the room. Leonard stood panting before Penny, Raj, Howard, Bernadette, and Amy. He desperately tried to avoid looking at Penny, but couldn't stop himself. He let himself glance at her smooth, delicate features, twisted with fear and confusion, and felt a pang in his stomach.

"We were wondering where you went," Penny breathed a shaky sigh of relief, but Leonard shrugged her off.

"He's gone."

"What do you mean gone?" Howard asked, glancing at Bernadette.

"I mean he's _gone_, damn it. He's not in the apartment. He's not at the lab. He's not at the comic book store. He's not here, obviously. He's not anywhere."

It had been five hours since Sheldon stormed out of the apartment. It was nearly 11:00, and Leonard took it upon himself to sneak past Penny's apartment, full of his friends, full of people worried and confused, and look for Sheldon. For two hours he looked. For two hours he ran through streets, breathing hard, trying to mentally undo the knot in his stomach. Nothing is wrong. Sheldon is fine, everything is fine. With each step, Leonard grew more and more angry. Asking himself why Sheldon couldn't ever talk to him. Or tell him what was wrong. Or act normal. After checking every place Sheldon had ever gone in Pasadena, Leonard stormed back to the apartment, throat locked and hopelessness tugging at his heart.

"Did he call you?" Leonard asked, looking at Amy. Amy shook her head. Her mouth was still tight-lipped—her posture still perfect. But her eyes had bags underneath them, and they didn't sparkle behind her glasses. Raj whispered something to Howard, who just shook his head and gave his best friend a knowing look. Leonard wanted desperately to know what they had said, but knew that it wasn't his to know, and it never would be. He thought that he saw a flicker of tears brimming in Howard's eyes as he looked at Raj. It was enough to make Leonard's heart twist.

"I'm sure he'll come back later tonight," Bernadette said. "I'm just sure of it."

"Yeah, what makes you so sure?" Leonard snapped. "You don't know anything."

"Leonard!" Penny's voice. Penny's hand on Leonard's arm. Penny's hand violently being shrugged off of Leonard's arm.

"I'm just asking why she's so sure of this. We don't know Sheldon's coming back. As far as I'm concerned, he left us a long time ago."

"Come on, man. She's just trying to help." Howard.

"Listen, I didn't mean to start anything." Bernadette.

"If you would all calm down, we could figure out a logical way to handle this situation." Amy.

"I'm done being logical." Leonard stopped pacing. "_Fuck_ this. I'm going out again."

"Leonard, it's 1:00 in the morning!" Bernadette hugged her knees to her chest. "We don't even know where to start!"

"I didn't say 'we,' did I?" Leonard sneered. "I'm going, whether you like it or not."

"We should call the police," Howard said, standing up and striding across the room to a phone. He didn't look like himself. He wore loose jeans and an old T-shirt. His hair was in knots on top of his head, his eyes sunken. It scared Leonard that the one man, always so lighthearted and easygoing, was reduced to this.

"Do _not_ call the police," Leonard said darkly.

"Come on," Howard protested, picking up the phone.

"Put it down!"

"You're going to _kill_ yourself doing this!" Howard burst. "Look at yourself!" Leonard didn't say anything. He surveyed the room.

Amy's eyes shone with tears. Leonard turned away sharply, pretending he didn't notice. Without a word, Howard put down the phone. Leonard's eyes landed on Penny's. Without a word, Penny gave Leonard a curt nod and stood up. Amy followed immediately. When Leonard thrust open the door, he didn't need to look to know that Penny was behind him, pulling on a jacket. He didn't need to look to see that Amy followed close by Penny's heels, and on Amy's heels was Bernadette. He didn't need to look to see that Raj and Howard were the last to leave, whispering and wondering together. He only needed to look for one person. One person, and they could all go home. One person, and maybe everything would be normal.

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><p>And Sheldon stood against the wind, staring at a reflection of himself in the darkened store window, studying those clear blue eyes he knew so well. <em>Freak.<em>


	8. Don't Leave

Chapter Eight: Don't Leave

It was 3:00 in the morning. Sheldon was an hour outside of town. He had been walking, walking, walking, never stopping, never thinking, just walking.

It was 3:00 in the morning. Leonard was an hour outside of town. He and Penny walked side-by-side. Leonard desperately tried to avoid looking at Penny, and Penny desperately tried not to think about that ugly thing that trailed down Sheldon's chest and into his jeans. Amy, Bernadette, Howard, and Raj followed closely behind. The whispers had died down, and the air was not filled with nothing but dampness and a thick silence.

Sirens screamed in the distance. The alleys were deserted, yet somehow, Sheldon felt eyes watching him. _"Dad, stop it! This hurts!" _Sheldon stopped suddenly. It was almost as if he heard the voice outside of his head, screaming, louder than ever before. Like the voice belonged to someone, a scrawny boy, tearing down the alley, running as fast as he could. Sheldon grabbed his head and leaned against the nearest wall. He was outside of a closed store with boarded windows and a broken door. _"Stop it, stop!" A scream._ "Please," Sheldon whispered to himself. "Please stop." Stop feeling. Stop thinking. Just stop.

_"Sheldon!"_

_ "Please!"_

_ "Sheldon! Sheldon! _Sheldon!" And then Sheldon felt his shoulders being gripped, tighter than ever, and his throat closed and he was suffocating. Sheldon screamed out loud, wrenching himself out of Leonard's grip. Leonard. Leonard, his best friend, stood in front of him. At 3:00 in the morning. In a town where every other street light was broken and the street was ridden with potholes. Sheldon stood where he was, breathing heavily. He looked at Penny and felt his heart drop. Sheldon was never great at picking up on emotions, but he knew that she looked so scared standing there, hair whipping in the wind. He remembered the feel of her smooth hand on his arm when she saw the scar and tried to bring back that feeling. Warm. Safe. Penny. It was strange to think that now, when he imagined "Soft Kitty", he no longer heard his Meemaw's voice, or his mother's. He could, of course, hear them if he wanted to. Their voices would never leave him—they danced in the back of his head when times were bad. They were the first people, the only people, who ever loved him. The first people he ever allowed himself to love. But when he happened to think of the song, it is Penny's voice that filled his head.

She must have noticed the way he was looking at her, because out of nowhere, she smiled. It was a small smile, barely there, but she smiled. And Sheldon almost smiled back.

"Sheldon, where have you been?" Leonard was out of breath.

"Just walking," Sheldon said. He looked away from Penny and the spell broke. Leonard's shoulders dropped. He opened his mouth and then closed it. He repeated this a few times before throwing up his arms.

"Jesus Christ, Sheldon! What's wrong with you?"

"Leonard," Howard said warningly, glancing at Sheldon.

"No, I have to ask! What's going on?"

"I didn't ask you to follow me." It was the first thing Sheldon thought of to say. Almost immediately, he regretted it. He wanted to push Leonard away, but at the same time, pull him closer. Sheldon was reminded of a time when he was just six-years-old. He had gotten into a fight with his mother when he called one of his classmate's stupid. They didn't speak for hours. At the end of the night, Mary came and sat on the edge of Sheldon's bed. Sheldon pretended to be asleep, even though all he wanted to do was tug at her old nightgown and make sure that she still loved him. Sheldon didn't want to do that to Leonard. Sheldon didn't want Leonard to ever look at him the way Georgie did. And Sheldon didn't want Penny to be scared the way Missy was.

But instead, Sheldon said, "I didn't ask you to follow me." And nothing more.

"_Screw_ you!" Leonard shouted. "After all we've done for you!" Sheldon didn't notice the tears that were brimming in Leonard's eyes.

"I didn't ask for this!" Tears were rolling down Sheldon's cheeks now. "It's my life, not yours! I don't understand why people feel the need to know everything about everyone. Or why they share details about their lives that no one cares about."

"We care about you, sweetie," Penny said, stepping closer to Sheldon.

"No! No one ever cares, not really. You hate me." The words surprised even Sheldon. He looked down in embarrassment as heat rose to his cheeks. He sounded like a pouting child. His brilliance was gone. His fence was gone. All that was left was the broken shell of a nine-year-old boy who got teased at school.

"Sweetie, we don't hate you," Penny whispered. She was now inches away from Sheldon. "Why would you ever think that?"

"I'm egotistical. I'm arrogant. I think I'm better than all of you." Sheldon's breathing was becoming much more rapid. "I'm a freak. Being smart is all I have. It's all I ever had, and it's all I ever will have." Sheldon blushed furiously, wiping away angry tears.

"Sweetheart…" Sheldon sensed that Penny was going to touch him soon. A warm hand on his face or his arm. He side-stepped her quickly and walked to the other side of the sidewalk, crossing his arms against the wind that would soon bring a storm. He stared at the empty, broken street before rounding on Leonard.

"I didn't want you to come. It's my life. I should be able to leave if I want to."

And suddenly the air got much colder. Sheldon heard Penny suck in her breath and watched Leonard's jaw drop. Howard leaned closer to Raj, and Amy crossed her arms tightly, hugging herself.

"What do you mean 'leave?'" Penny asked quietly. Her voice cracked. "What do you mean by that?"

"Don't leave," Leonard said. "We don't hate you. None of us do. Look at me. Look at Amy." Sheldon raised his eyes to briefly meet Amy's. Her arms, tight around him. The strange yet familiar feel of her lips against his. Sheldon seemed to fly whenever he listened to her talk—so smart, so logical. But now there were tears in her eyes, and everything was wrong. As soon as she opened her mouth to speak, Sheldon looked away sharply. "I just want to talk to you, buddy," Leonard begged. "I want you to be my friend, but you just don't let me! Talk to me!"

"Don't tell me what to do," Sheldon said.

"Why did you lie to us?" Leonard begged. "Why won't you tell us what happened?"

"I didn't lie," Sheldon said against the screaming voice in his head.

"Don't leave," Penny said desperately. "Don't leave."

"Talk to me! God, Sheldon, talk to me!" And then there was chaos. Penny repeated to herself, "Don't leave, please don't leave, Sheldon, please don't leave" over and over, Sheldon blurry through her tears. Bernadette clung to Howard, who tried, with Raj, to hold Leonard back and keep him from shouting. Everyone surrounded Sheldon, yelling, holding back tears. It was Amy who stood back.

It was Amy who should have seen it coming. She should have seen the old, rickety car turn the street corner, its dim headlights flickering in the distance. She should have seen the way Sheldon was covering his ears—the way he shouted and pleaded like a young boy throwing a tantrum. Like a broken man with not a clue in the world. She should have seen the car coming closer, rattling and rumbling, speeding down the street. She should have seen Leonard's arm shoot out toward Sheldon, to pull him closer, to demand an answer, to keep him from leaving (she didn't know which one. Maybe all of them). She should have known that Sheldon would push Leonard violently, but instead of Leonard falling, Sheldon would be the one to fall back, back, back into the street. She should have known that the car would be much too close to stop at that point.

And Sheldon heard a screaming voice. He saw a skinny nine-year-old boy with blue eyes and pasty skin watching him. And then he saw nothing.

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><p><strong>Okay, I know that this one was a bit depressing, but stay with me! It's not over yet! As always, review if you please. Once again, sorry for the super amount of angst :  
><strong>


	9. Truth

**Chapter 9!** **Sorry if it took me a bit longer to update this time. Warning: this chapter contains some abuse, might be sensitive for some readers.**

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><p>Chapter Nine: The Truth<p>

Only two people were allowed to visit at a time. Howard and Raj immediately stepped back, eyes on Leonard. Amy looked at Penny and did something unexpected—she reached out and squeezed Penny's hand. Amy and Bernadette stayed with the boys. Not a word was spoken, yet Leonard and Penny knew what had to be done. And so they sat there—Penny in a chair across Sheldon's bed and Leonard standing right by Sheldon. His arms hung limply at his side as if he didn't know what to do with them.

Penny couldn't stop replaying the scene in her head. The sound of the car hitting Sheldon. Blood on the pavement, blood on Sheldon's face. Leonard's deafening scream as he dropped to his knees, Amy's strangled gasp of surprise and terror. The scene played over and over in her head, and it wouldn't stop until Sheldon woke up. But he lay there motionless. Penny wondered, stomach twisted, if the doctors had only allowed them in because he didn't have much time left. She told herself that it was a stupid thought. She felt sick. She thought of blood hitting the pavement.

Leonard didn't know what to feel. After his initial scream, his initial burst of terror, he lost everything else. At that moment, he was so filled with dread, shock, pain—but now he stood lifeless, watching his best friend lie there. He didn't want to think of what he had said to Sheldon moments before it happened. He couldn't remember exactly, but in case it was something cruel, in case it was fear masked in anger, Leonard didn't want to remember. So he stood there, willing Sheldon to wake up.

* * *

><p>Howard and Raj stood by the coffee machine a floor up. They hadn't talked for a while, but they still had so much to say. It seemed as though it was always that way between them. After a moment, Howard forced himself to look at his friend. Raj's eyes met Howard's. Howard put his hand on Raj's shoulder and squeezed tightly.<p>

"You okay, buddy?" Howard asked quietly, eyes still boring into Raj's.

"I don't know." Raj shrugged.

"Yeah, me too."

And the boys walked downstairs back to Amy and Bernadette.

Bernadette's mind was filled with thoughts of Sheldon and Howard. She, like Penny, couldn't shake the image of Sheldon getting hit. She thought of the tears springing into Howard's eyes and realized she had never seen him cry before. She thought of the way he looked to Raj for an answer, for comfort. She thought of so much her head started to hurt, but she still couldn't stop thinking.

And Amy. Intelligent, gifted Amy. She could almost feel Sheldon tensing up under her touch. Every time she put a hand on his shoulder or even wrapped her arms around him, Sheldon became tighter, as if he was scared. Like he was preparing himself for something that was going to happen next. Amy hated to be emotional. She hated to cry or to laugh too hard. But she couldn't stop what she was feeling now, and she longed for Penny to be next to her. Penny always knew what to do. Penny had emotions—perhaps too many of them—and would know what to tell Amy. But Penny was with Sheldon, and she belonged there. Everyone knew that.

* * *

><p>Leonard and Penny's eyes met over Sheldon's bed. Penny shook her head slightly.<p>

"It's okay, Leonard," She whispered, reading his mind. He looked up at her with fear in his glistening brown eyes. "It's okay."

"Penny?" A hoarse, cracked voice made Penny and Leonard jump. Sheldon's eyelids fluttered and he turned his head to the voice that was speaking.

"Penny?"

"Oh my God," Penny breathed, standing up and rushing to Sheldon's bed. He looked terrible. His face was almost entirely purple and puffy. His eyes, once he opened them, Penny saw were bloodshot. "Sheldon…" She didn't know what to say. _Are you okay? Does it hurt?_ They were stupid questions to ask. She stood there silently, stupidly, refusing to tear her eyes away from Sheldon.

Sheldon turned his head toward Leonard slowly. It looked painful. He squeezed his eyes shut as he shifted his position and grunted softly.

"I'm here, Shelly," Leonard said fearfully. The name escaped him before he could stop it. "I'm right here."

With Leonard's assurance, Sheldon breathed a torn sigh of relief turned on his back and stared up at the fluorescent hospital lights, blinking slowly. Penny and Leonard watched him with their breaths caught in their throats. Neither had a clue of what to say next. Luckily, Sheldon opened his cracked mouth to speak.

"I think I should tell you…" Sheldon paused and took another ragged breath. "I think I should tell you now."

"Sweetie, don't talk, you need to rest," Penny went to touch Sheldon's cheek, but thought twice and retracted her hand quickly. Leonard still stood feet away from Sheldon's bed, refusing to get too close. Sheldon shook his head.

"I want you to know." Leonard had never been so scared. There was no going back when he saw Sheldon take a deep, rattling breath and begin.

"I was ten-years-old."

_"Goodbye, Shellybean," Mary called casually from the front door. She had one arm slung around Georgie, the other holding Missy's hand. "I'm dropping Georgie off at Luke's house to play, and then Missy and I will be at the store. We'll be back in a few hours." The door swung shot and Sheldon was left alone at the kitchen table with a textbook in front of him. By his feet towered another five textbooks that he had finished earlier that day. George sat on the couch watching a muted TV._

"They seemed to know the best times to leave," Sheldon said bitterly. "When he was at his worst. It's not their fault, and I didn't see the point of going out to play with others, so I stayed home."

_"Hey, bring me a beer," George slurred. Sheldon wiped his forehead with his sleeve. It was a hot, sticky day. Cicadas were buzzing outside loud as sirens. The sound rang in Sheldon's ears as he went to the refrigerator to fetch a beer for his father. Sheldon's socks stuck against the wooden floor as he walked across the kitchen and into the TV room. He gave his father the beer and turned to walk away._

"It was like any other day. I was just reading, and he was just drinking. Nothing was different."

_Before Sheldon could leave, he felt a strong, calloused hand close on his shoulder. His heart started to beat faster. George had put the beer down next to him. His eyes still glued on the TV. George didn't say anything as he pulled Sheldon closer to him, readjusting his hand on Sheldon's shoulder, gripping the fabric tightly. Sheldon snuck a glance at George. His eyes were red. He smelled of sweat and beer. Sheldon's stomach turned as he squirmed, trying to escape the grasp of his father._

"Something was wrong. It didn't hurt, but it…"

_ "I'm going to go now," Sheldon said, but made no effort to move. He was paralyzed in his fear. George had never looked like this before. Sheldon felt sick. George's grip never loosened. Instead, Sheldon found himself being pulled forcefully toward George, his father's fingernails digging into his skin. Sheldon knew if he didn't run, he would have some explaining to do to his mother. Something he couldn't cover up with a simple lie of falling down the stairs._

_ "I'm going to go now," Sheldon's voice shook. He could barely get the words out, his throat was so tight._

_ When George tore his red eyes away from the TV, Sheldon ran._

"I didn't need to look to know that he was behind me," Sheldon said hoarsely. Tears were already streaming down Penny's face. Leonard breathed heavily.

_Sheldon ran into the kitchen, pausing to pick up his textbook and clutch it to his chest. George was one step behind him. Sheldon heard the scrape of a kitchen knife against the counter and his heart jumped to his throat. It was then Sheldon tripped over a pair of shoes left lying on the floor. A pair of shiny Mary Jane shoes that Missy was playing dress-up with earlier. Sheldon had refused to play such a silly game. He kicked the shoes away, turning onto his back and facing his father._

_ "Dad, please!"_

"It was the first time I ever called him that."

_"Dad, please, stop!" George raised the knife and without a second thought brought it down on his son. Sheldon let out the terrible scream of a young boy. Part of him hoped that it would be heard throughout the world, and some superhero would come to his rescue. He would burst through the door in a cape and a mask, knocking George aside and scooping Sheldon up in his arms. But no one heard the scream. They lived in deserted land. No neighbors. No friends. No one to save him. The knife ripped through Sheldon's shirt, skimming his skin. George leaned into him and the knife cut deeper. Tears ran from Sheldon's eyes and he realized he was sobbing. With a final struggle, Sheldon managed to kick George's knee. George fell suddenly, unable to keep his balance. Sheldon clutched his stomach with one arm and put the knife in the sink with his free hand. He turned on the water, washing the blood away. No one would know. No one would have to know._

_ Sheldon tore up the stairs to his room and ripped off his shirt. Blood streamed from his chest to the rickety wooden floor. Sheldon collapsed to his knees, crying, and tried to wipe the blood away._

"There was so much blood. I never knew he hated me that much." Sheldon sounded like a child. Leonard dared not to look up at Penny. His own eyes were blurred with tears.

_ When Mary and Missy came home, George had pulled himself up on the kitchen chair. He had a beer in one hand and rested his head on his arm, dozing at the table. The kitchen knives were set in their proper place. A muted TV flickered in the background. Everything was normal._

_ Sheldon sat upstairs and waited for the bleeding to stop. He had fixed it up the best that he could—after everything he read, he had a good idea of what to do to fix it. Or at least try. When he wrapped himself up in a bandage, he threw on another T-shirt and went downstairs to meet his mother. Perhaps he would ask to go to the library for more books. It would be fine._

_ Some things could never be healed, though. It was the last time Sheldon spoke to his father. It was the last time Sheldon allowed someone to touch him—ever since then, his breath caught and his heart jumped when he came in contact with anyone else. It was the last time he made any sacrifices for anyone. He knew how they turned out. And it wasn't fair._

_ He enrolled in the University and left his house without looking back. A crying Missy, an angry Georgie, a heartbroken mother. But he didn't look back._

"My family never looked at me the same way again," Sheldon said. His voice cracked. "It was, of course, impossible that they would know what had happened. But I was young. I wondered if they hated me as much as I hated myself." Sheldon paused. He took one look at Penny, and then turned his head toward Leonard.

"I lied to you because that's what I thought I needed to do. After it happened, I told myself never to speak about it to anyone. I'm supposed to be a genius. I'm supposed to have no flaws. I'm supposed to be right all the time. I needed to lie about this."

"No you didn't," Leonard said, but he choked on his words and they were lost on Sheldon.

Almost as an afterthought, Sheldon opened his mouth. "It still really hurts." Tears streamed down Sheldon's bruised face, his eyes still locked on Leonard. Penny covered her mouth with her hand and rushed out of the room, slamming the sliding glass door behind her. Leonard took two steps towards the bed and grabbed Sheldon's hand. After a few moments, Sheldon's round blue eyes fluttered closed. Leonard allowed himself to burst into tears and gather his best friend in his arms, rocking him back and forth, back and forth, until the pain went away.

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><p><strong>Once again, I'm going to ask you guys to stick with me-I know it's sad, but read on! I'll be updating soon! Reviews always welcome!<br>**


	10. Mommy Loves You

**Hi, everyone! Here is chapter 11! Sorry it took me so long, it's been a little crazy lately. As always, read, review, enjoy :)**

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><p>Chapter Ten: Mommy Loves You<p>

Leonard left the room when Sheldon's doctors came back in. They explained to him that his friend will live—he may need extra care for the next few days, but it will still be all right. They smiled at him and Leonard forced himself to smile back. If only they knew. He wiped the sleeve of his hoodie across his face and rubbed his red eyes. Penny was standing just outside, hand still pressed to her mouth. She stared at the clean tile of the hospital floor, lost in deep, intensive thought. She looked like Sheldon when he was working. Leonard didn't know what to do. He leaned against the wall, crossing his arms, and stared at that same patch of tile. It was a while before either spoke.

"I had no idea," Penny's voice came out in a hoarse whisper as she lowered her hand from her mouth.

"None of us did," Leonard said, never tearing his eyes away from the ground. He heard Penny sniff.

"He's gonna be okay, right?" The desperation in Penny's voice forced Leonard to look her in the eyes. They were sparkling with tears and anticipation, searching Leonard's face frantically. Leonard took a deep breath.

"He'll live," Leonard said. "He got an infection from some glass that was on the ground. It was lodged in his chest, but they treated it. He's going to stay overnight before we can take him home." Leonard paused. He thought of the hopeless, crestfallen blue eyes begging for Leonard to say something. "But…is he going to be okay?" Leonard repeated, feeling the warmth on his chest as he pressed Sheldon into him just minutes ago.

Penny nodded.

"I don't know." And with that, Leonard pulled Penny close to him and they walked back to the waiting room. Amy paced nervously. Bernadette clutched Howard's hand while Howard looked up every so often at Raj—not saying anything, but still talking. When they saw Leonard and Penny come back, they braced themselves for bad news.

"He's going to be fine," Leonard said. There should have been a sigh of relief—backs bending from straight lines into curved as the friends slumped in exhaustion and happiness—but there was not. They all heard Leonard's voice crack. They all saw Penny's shaking hands.

"What happened?" Amy asked.

"He got an infection, but-" Leonard began, but Amy cut him off.

"Leonard. What happened?" And her eyes met his, and Leonard knew. Penny collapsed onto the nearest chair, next to Bernadette. Bernadette let go of Howard's hand and put her arm around her, still looking at Leonard. He took a deep breath.

"_Mommy loves you, Shellybean."_

_ They were alone in the hospital room, Mary clutching Sheldon to her chest while Missy slept beside the bed. Mary's hair was limp and hung loosely down her back. She rocked Sheldon back and forth, bed creaking slightly under her gentle movements._

_ "Daddy loves you, Shellybean," Mary whispered into a tuft of Sheldon's soft brown hair. The same color as his twin's. Sheldon opened his eyes slightly and parted his mouth, a spit bubble forming on those perfect pink lips. She smiled at him and leaned back against the pillow._

_ "You have the same eyes as Daddy," Mary said. The spit bubble popped. "I can't wait for Meemaw to meet you. She's gonna love you, too. We all love you. Don't you ever forget that."_

_ And a nurse came in to take the two babies, and Mary happily lay back and fell asleep. She would deal with everything else tomorrow._

After he finished, there was a silence so thick it seemed to suffocate everyone in the waiting room. Howard was breathing heavily. Leonard watched him—perhaps thinking of his own father who had left years earlier. When he looked up at Leonard, his usually sparkle was gone.

"His dad did this to him?" He asked shakily. "His dad did…" He couldn't finish. He was paralyzed.

"He never talks about it," Amy said, at a loss for words. "Well, it makes sense, of course, why he doesn't…but…"

"There's nothing wrong with him," Penny said suddenly. "He's still Sheldon. Our Sheldon. It's going to be fine."

"He needs help," Leonard said.

"What, like a psychiatrist?" Howard asked. "What do they do? I went to one for four years after my dad left and it didn't mean anything. My dad still hated me, and I still hated him."

"Yeah, but Sheldon hates himself," Leonard said, and Howard fell silent.

"But it's not his fault," Penny said weakly. Leonard winced thinking of that calloused hand on Sheldon's bony shoulder, tighter and tighter…

"I just want to see him," Amy's voice wavered, causing Penny to reach across and clutch her hand. Amy let out a small hiccup—just one, tiny intake of breath—that contained all of her fear, her terror, her love for Sheldon. Her hands were shaking. Howard and Raj nodded, looking back down at their own hands.

Penny closed her eyes. If she hadn't moved to touch him, he wouldn't have run to the edge of the street, he wouldn't have fallen. All she wanted to do was reach a hand out to his soft, pale skin, so harmless. So perfect.

And Leonard thought of his anger towards Sheldon—it began with him snapping at Sheldon and ended with him cradling Sheldon in his arms. Wishing he had a time machine. If he did, he would go back, further than last week, further than last year. He would go back to see a seven-year-old Sheldon and tell him that everything was going to be okay.

"Are you all here for Sheldon Cooper?" A nurse stood by the waiting room door. "Any one of you his guardian?"

"His mother is on his way from Texas," Penny spoke quickly. "Why? Is he okay?"

"Your friend is just fine. You should be able to see him in about ten minutes or so."

"Is he—is he…talking?" Penny bit her thumbnail and looked at Leonard for help. Sheldon didn't talk unless necessary. Before Leonard could speak, the nurse snorted.

"He's been complaining about the pillows. Apparently they don't fit his 'needs for comfort.'"

The cry of relief occurred before the nurse even finished her sentence. Howard and Raj laughed—Leonard buried his face in his hands, shoulders shaking from laughter and sobs. Amy slumped back into her chair, covering her eyes with the hand not attached to Penny's. When she took her hand away, her eyes were bloodshot and she was smiling. The nurse smiled, amused, before she turned to head back to Sheldon's room. She opened the door quietly as Sheldon was squirming in bed, trying to get comfortable. Every move looked like it hurt. He had bags under his eyes and bruises everywhere else. The nurse shook her head and clicked her tongue.

"I told you I'd get you pillows, sweetheart," She said, making her way to the head of his bed. Sheldon leaned back and closed his eyes, breathing heavily. His stomach was tied in knots. What did Leonard think of him now? Penny? They probably told everyone by now. They probably left. And he deserved it. He deserved every piece of what he got.

Sheldon's thoughts were interrupted.

"You're lucky you've got such great friends," The nurse said as she transferred the pillows.

"They're here?" Sheldon's voice was hoarse—barely above a whisper. He cleared his throat and tried again, but nothing more came out.

"You bet they're here," The nurse laughed. "Been here for hours. You've got people who love you, sweetheart. You remember that."

Sheldon leaned further into his pillow, the cotton surrounding his ears and muffling the noises of the hospital around them. He closed his eyes once more and smiled.

"Don't you want these pillows?"

"Can I please see my friends?" Sheldon croaked. There was the muffled sound of footsteps. The muffled sound of a door opening and closing.

And then Sheldon waited for the muffled sound of six pairs of feet entering his room. Not the echoing sound of heavy boots plodding up the stairs, every step causing Sheldon's heart to jump higher in his throat. No. The sound of six pairs of shoes shuffling into his room, eager, happy, not wanting to hurt him. Never wanting to hurt him. Because they loved him.

And then Sheldon smiled. It was barely there, but it was a smile.


	11. Shine

Chapter Eleven: Shine

Leonard walked a step ahead of Sheldon, carrying his bags up the stairs. Sheldon dragged his feet heavily, slightly panting by the time they reached the top. Leonard glanced behind him, wincing at the same time as Sheldon. They had left the others about half an hour ago. Penny worked her afternoon shift, checking her phone between every table, and then headed home to wait for Sheldon—sitting nervously on her couch, knees bouncing and hands pressed tightly together. Amy had squeezed Sheldon's hand before going back to her apartment, her shoulders relaxed with the relief of Sheldon's promise that he would be there with her tomorrow. Leonard watched Sheldon watch Amy leave, the ghost of a smile on his face throughout the car ride home. Bernadette went to work, trying to get back to normal as soon as she could, an uneasy look on her face as she left Howard and Raj. Howard and Raj disappeared right after saying their goodbyes. No one knew where they went, but Howard left with red eyes and Raj's arm slung around his shoulders.

It would take some time. Leonard knew that. But for now, all that was left were Leonard and Sheldon. And it was all that mattered.

"You okay, buddy?" Leonard asked. Sheldon looked at his friend. His bruises still covered half of his face—every so often he clutched his side and had to take a deep breath. Sheldon smiled a tight-lipped smile at Leonard.

"I'm fine," He said, and dropped his arm from his side, as if to prove his point. Always, always trying to prove a point. He watched Leonard fumble with the keys and leaned his head against the wall. He looked so little. So innocent. The door to their apartment swung open and Leonard dropped the bags in the hallway. Sheldon leaned against the doorway and his blue eyes swept the room, from the cushions tossed on the floor to the broken glass lying on the counter, and back to Leonard.

"You didn't sleep here last night," Sheldon noted. Leonard opened his mouth, about to protest, but he stopped.

"No, I didn't."

"Well, where did you go?" Sheldon shut the door behind him and took a step into his home. Leonard shook his head and looked down, smiling slightly.

"It's embarrassing."

"It may be, but I still believe I should know where you slept last night. Was it with Penny?"

Leonard snorted and shook his head. He glanced around the room, taking a deep breath, before his eyes landed on Sheldon.

"I slept in my car. A block away from the hospital. Penny stayed with Amy. Neither one of us really wanted to come back."

"I can understand that," Sheldon said softly, amazing Leonard. Before Leonard could speak, the door creaked open and Penny poked her head through the crack. She wore jeans and a grey hoodie, her hair in a loose ponytail. Sheldon's eyes found hers immediately, and Leonard could swear that Sheldon's face came to life when he saw her.

"Hey, sweetie," She chirped, closing the door behind her. "You're back!"

"I am."

She and Sheldon stood staring at each other for a while. Leonard had never seen Penny glow like this.

"You're back," She repeated, and her smile widened. This was when Leonard took his cue to leave.

"I'll just go unpack your bag," Leonard said, lifting the bag of Sheldon's comic books and Friday pajamas onto his arm. Penny caught his eye as he passed and pinched the sleeve of his hoodie. _Thank you._

"Sheldon, listen," Penny started as soon as Leonard had left, but Sheldon shook his head.

"Penny, I'd like you to forget everything. It was a moment of vulnerability. I shouldn't have said what I did, and I'm sorry." Sheldon cleared his throat, his eyes bright. Penny took a breath and leaned against the counter, crossing her arms.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Sheldon," She said softly. Sheldon looked away sharply so that Penny couldn't attempt to read him as she was always trying to do. But Penny took a step closer.

"You don't have to apologize," She whispered.

"I do. And I don't apologize often, so I advise you to just accept it."

"You don't have to be sorry." Sheldon froze at the touch of a warm hand on his sleeveless arm. "You are fine. You are perfect. And it's going to be okay, okay?" Penny smiled up at Sheldon hopefully. So thin. Such pale skin.

_"Are you sure?" Sheldon asked Mary. They stood outside the elementary school. Sheldon clutched his mother's hand so tightly that her knuckles were turning white and her wedding ring dug into her skin._

_ "Of course I'm sure. You're a smart baby boy."_

_ "I am not a baby," Sheldon protested, quickly looking up at his mom, demanding her to take it back. "And I know that I'm smart. Everyone knows that." Mary laughed and withdrew her hand from his death grip, sliding her arm around her son's shoulders._

_ "I'm not sure you ever were a baby," Mary laughed, grinning down at her son. "And of course you're smart. Such a smart boy."_

_ "I believe that's an understatement," Sheldon shrugged off her compliment. "But…are you sure?" Sheldon asked again, bouncing on his toes._

_ "Yes. Everything is going to be fine. I am sure."_

"Okay?" Penny repeated, reaching her hand out and turning Sheldon's chin so his eyes met hers. They were bright and glassy, but his mouth pulled into a small smile.

"Okay."

Penny grinned. "We're going to get through this. All of us. No one is going to leave you."

"Okay." Sheldon smirked, looking down. "I sound like a child. I apologize."

At this, Penny let out a sound that was half-sob, half-laughter. She turned his chin once more, and, smiling, leaned in to kiss him on the cheek. His skin was as warm as she expected it to be. She let her lips linger for a moment, grateful for the rosy cheeks so different than the ghostly face in the hospital bed. When she broke away, she patted Sheldon's cheek once with a slap.

"Ouch!" Sheldon yelped, putting a hand to his face.

"Sorry," Penny giggled. "It'll take me some time to get used to these." She lightly touched a bruise with her pinky and then let her hand drop from his arm. "Will I see you tomorrow?"

"I don't see why not," Sheldon said matter-of-factly. Penny waved before leaving the apartment, the door swinging shut behind her. Sheldon's heart swelled. He heard her voice singing to him. And then he heard his mother's, and then his grandmother's.

She was right. It was going to be okay.

"Sheldon." This time it was Leonard's voice, coming from his bedroom doorway. He was playing with the zipper of his hoodie anxiously, searching Sheldon's face.

"Sheldon, I'm sorry. I'm sorry about everything I said to you."

"Leonard, now don't…"

"No, I'm serious. I shouldn't have said those things. But I was worried, and that's what came out. I don't know why."

"I do. I know everything."

"Okay, I do, but I'm just trying to apologize. Please?" Leonard asked. Sheldon looked at his friend for a while. His best friend. Sheldon felt his chest tighten.

_"Just let your light shine, baby," Mary said as she led Sheldon up the walkway to the front doors. "They'll be your best friends if you let them. Who could resist you?" Mary asked. Sheldon shrugged, still doubtful._

_ "It's okay to talk. It's okay to be silly. Okay?"_

_ Sheldon shrugged again, trying to contain a smile. He had a backpack full of clean notebooks, an ironed polo shirt, and crisp khaki pants. Nothing could go wrong._

_ "Let them see who you are, Shellybean. And they'll love you for that." It was a moment of hope. A moment of pure joy; he didn't know what was going to happen once he stepped into his classroom, his first day of school. Anticipation, excitement, uncovering mysteries, learning. It was one of the best moments of Sheldon Cooper's life._

Sheldon watched Leonard turn around. He began to head back to his room, running a hand through his messy hair. Leonard paused. Turned.

"I don't feel alone when I'm with you," Leonard said. "You're my best friend. And you're annoying, and you're brilliant, and you're everything in between." Sheldon smiled and nodded. Leonard let out a breath he had been holding in and turned on his heel once again.

"Leonard," Sheldon said suddenly, leaning against the counter. He looked exhausted. He had dark bags under his eyes and purple bruises coating his face, but something was different. Leonard's brown eyes met Sheldon's blue ones. And they were sparkling, and then Sheldon's face split into a smile, no matter how tiny it was.

"It doesn't hurt so much now."

Leonard smiled. No, he grinned. Penny was just outside, probably snoring loudly on the couch. Howard and Raj were off celebrating Sheldon's life together. Amy was probably in her apartment crying from relief and happiness. And then the two men realized that everything was going to be okay. Leonard nodded and turned around once again, turning on the bathroom light and closing the door. Sheldon slumped onto the couch, in his spot. It seemed to have never lost its warmth—its familiar feel, the way it shaped to Sheldon's body.

It doesn't hurt so much now.

* * *

><p><strong>Ta-da! The end! I told you it wouldn't stay depressing forever. Thank you all so, so much for reading. You all make me very happy :) I hope you enjoyed it, and I hope you'll keep reading my stories in the future.<br>**


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